Live Wandering

For years, I felt a pull toward Rocky Mountain National Park. I’d visit a friend in Castle Rock, Colorado, and every time, something urged me to venture toward Estes Park. As if the rugged peaks, serene lakes, and endless sky held something more profound for me than just scenic beauty—maybe healing. The Rockies called to a part of me I didn’t fully understand yet.

How the trip happened

I’ve always been spiritual, noticing signs and symbols to guide me as I wander through life. So, when I saw a rare timed entry permit available for Bear Lake Road, I seized it without hesitation. Although the timing and cost of an October road trip weren’t exactly ideal, something within me pushed for this spontaneous adventure. I crafted a careful budget, found tenting locations, plotted my route, and even sold some furniture to fund the trip. It sounds reckless–and it was–but I had a feeling this journey was crucial and I had to answer that call, even if it meant going solo.

After the trauma I experienced in 2018, which led to my Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), I gradually reintroduced solo travel into my life, taking small steps in familiar places around Minnesota. This trip, though, felt different—more significant, as if it would aid my healing journey. With shaky confidence, I told myself I could do this, that hiking up the mountains to Lake Haiyaha would somehow be worth the effort.

When my parents heard about my spontaneous adventure, they suggested making it a mother-daughter trip. While my travel style is more spontaneous than my mom’s, she offered to cover our lodging, leaving me to handle the road trip details: planning our packing supplies, hiking gear, sights, pit stops, and everything in between. After weeks of preparation, we were finally ready to embark on our Colorado adventure.

Ascending in the darkness

Three days after our departure from Minnesota, we arrived at the Bear Lake trailhead in the darkness of early morning, around 5:15 a.m. The crisp, cold air awakened my still-groggy senses as I gathered my hiking gear, straightened my thermal layers, and mentally prepared for the long hike. Five miles may not seem long to avid hikers, but for someone who was still adjusting to the elevation, it was bound to be a thrilling and exhausting trek. With the light from our headlamps being our only guide, we began our ascent. The forest wrapped around us in quietude barr the elk noises we heard above us on the cliffside. Other than the wind in the trees and animals skittering in the dark, we were alone. We moved slowly, adjusting to the altitude with steady breaths and an easy pace.

The trail led us on a dark, rugged path, past the sound of distant streams, and gradually opened up as we neared our first destination. After spending hours researching the five lakes on the trail, I planned to film my sunrise Reiki session at Dream Lake. Believing it was the ideal spot for catching the first light above the peaks. It was still dark when we arrived, but there was a faint glow over the horizon. I needed to set up my cameras carefully to avoid disturbing the view for other possible hikers following far behind us. I placed the GoPros low on the lake’s surface, concealed by boulders, and found my perch beside my mother.

Filming Reiki at Dream Lake

The blanket we packed shielded our legs from the stone’s cold surface. As I settled in with my warm gear ready for the still hour ahead of us, I hit record. I always start my Reiki sessions by checking in with the energies around me. This session was no different. Tuning into the mountains, the lake, the animals, and the trees, I let each presence anchor me. Ducks swam through the still water, curiously drifting past me as they searched for breakfast. The trees creaked in the cold and I could feel the weight of the moment settle deeply into my bones. I started to channel Reiki, not only into the nature around me but also into the moment captured by the cameras for those who would later watch the video. I also set the intention to give my mother Reiki while she peacefully sat next to me.

Following my intuition and the Reiki energy, I let the mountains amplify my intentions of sending out calm and healing energy. Though I often receive Reiki while giving it, this time was different; the earth felt connected to my feet and the sky seemed within my grasp. I was in sync with everything around me. By the time the sun rose, casting its first rays on the peaks, I felt deeply at peace. My mother and I sat together, watching the mountains blaze with color, a shared silence as we took in the sheer beauty.

As I completed my Reiki session, watching the sunrise paint the mountains in hues of gold and amber, I felt a surge of gratitude and connection so intense it brought tears to my eyes. It wasn’t sadness; it was a feeling of being deeply embedded in something far beyond myself. The mountains, the lake, and the stillness of the dawn made me realize how interconnected everything was, and I felt like my place there was part of something much bigger.

Initially, I thought this trip was about capturing a beautiful Reiki session for others to experience. I hoped that by sharing it in months to come, maybe someone else could feel a sense of calm, find healing, or even a small connection to something meaningful. Yet, as dawn turned to day and we returned from the trail, I couldn’t shake off a feeling that there was more waiting for me. That answer revealed itself the next morning in a way I hadn’t anticipated.

The release from fear I had been searching for

The next day, I woke up feeling strangely unwell, like I had a hangover. I attributed it to the altitude, fatigue, and dehydration from our hike, but as the morning went on, my symptoms worsened: a pounding headache, nausea, hot and cold sweats, and aching joints. I lay there feeling sick, and out of nowhere, a rush of emotions surfaced, emotions I had buried for years. Guilt, fear, anger, sadness—each one rose, filling me with a sense of raw vulnerability. It felt like every heavy emotion I had felt in the past six years was coming to the surface, and I had no choice but to face it.

As I allowed myself to release these emotions, tears came in waves, spilling out years of frustration, fear, and judgment. I felt the guilt from lost time, the anger from my past, and the weight of every fear that had kept me from living fully. Each emotion poured out of me, leaving me feeling lighter, as if the mountains themselves had helped lift this weight I’d been carrying for so long. After what felt like hours, I noticed my symptoms started to ease. I lay there, tired but exhilarated with a sense of relief I hadn’t felt in years.

Eventually, I found myself laughing—a small, unexpected chuckle escaped and soon I was laughing from deep in my belly. My body, which had just been tense with stress, was now relaxed. I got up, looked in the mirror, and there I was: red-eyed, puffy-faced, but free. Free to choose my own path, free from the doubts I’d clung to, and free from the fear that had me bound to its fate.

I smiled at my reflection and whispered, “Hey, Kenz. It’s nice to see you again.”

The outcome of my healing

This hike, this Reiki session in the Rocky Mountains, became more than an experience—it was a moment of profound healing that I hoped for but didn’t know I could achieve. I left Estes Park with a renewed sense of purpose, feeling that this trip had marked a turning point in my life. I was right because, within two weeks, I achieved a private personal milestone—something I hadn’t been able to pursue before due to panic attacks. Reiki’s healing power gave me another chance to live my life without being controlled by fear and now I’m excited to see where this journey will lead.

I’ll be sharing the Dream Lake Reiki video soon and I hope it brings you the peace and healing that this experience brought me. Healing is a journey, and for me, it feels like this is only the beginning.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from my journey, it’s the importance of trusting your instincts. You might find yourself inexplicably drawn to a city, a new job, a lifestyle change, or any other opportunity that seems to call your name. Often, we don’t fully understand these urges until we’re on the other side of our choice to follow them. Embracing the unknown can lead to profound discoveries about ourselves and our healing. So, when you feel that gentle nudge to explore, whether it’s through travel or a new experience, take that leap of faith. Trust your gut. You never know. You might just find the healing and connection you didn’t even know you were seeking.