Live Wandering

My body went through many changes in the last twenty-nine years as I joined different sports teams, trained for a marathon, tried my own workout regimes, and stopped working out altogether. As I picked up working out again in 2023, I noticed several changes in my body not solely appearance based. A lot of the changes in my body that I experienced in 2023 as I increased the quantity and quality of my workouts were how my body functioned.

When I originally started working out again, I felt defeated and frustrated every time. The start of 2023 was a darker time in my life and after realizing how far I’d let negativity affect my mind and body, the results were emotionally devastating. Not being able to look at myself in the mirror, I found it hard not to compare my younger collegiate body to the one I was training back into shape.

I knew better than to compare myself to a past version of myself but I couldn’t help reminiscing on the days when a plank hold wasn’t difficult. Feeling my heavy shaking body that barely held a solid form made me envious of the strength I obtained in the past.

Despite these feelings, I pushed forward in an effort to get back into shape. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and working out at a gym wasn’t an option. I wanted to workout at home so I found the Alo app and decided to give it a try. Through shorter classes (5-20 minutes each), I created my own daily workout plans and built up my stamina and strength enough to get back into 45-minute workouts a couple of times a week.

As the months progressed, so did my training. On April 3, 2023 I took my fitness more seriously and made a pact with myself to work out five to six days a week (like I used to in college) for the rest of the year. As I pushed myself to try harder HIIT, strength, and cardio classes on the Alo app, I felt my frustration continue. Some weeks were easier than others to keep my pact. My body hit low levels of energy for a couple weeks in a row and it made it hard to want to move my body, but I allowed myself the space I needed once I got on my mat.

In the beginning my motto was to “show up on your mat because that’s where consistency starts.” After getting on my mat day after day regardless of how difficult the workouts were, it became easier to showup as the weeks went on. I found a way to work with my body that made my workouts less intimidating. The times I felt fatigued, I took a rest day. On days I felt tired, I allowed myself to start off with short 5-minute core workouts and then navigate how I was really feeling after finishing the short classes. On the other hand, I had instances where I felt like I had an abundance of energy, so I pushed myself harder with longer challenging classes. I learned to work with my body as a team rather than my opponent.

Before I knew it, the frustration I felt in the beginning months switched from being frustrated with myself to being frustrated with the instructor who made me hold a three-minute plank. My conflicted emotions made me blind to the slight changes in my strength, endurance, and physique.

My workouts reached a new level. I was doing excercises I couldn’t at the start of the year and I pushed myself to be better which unknowingly brought me to the fitness level I’m at today. I’m not an American Ninja Warrior and don’t have the desire to be but I’m able to recognize and reflect on the changes I couldn’t see during the year.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come and while I haven’t reached my “body goals” yet, I’m grateful to my body for it being able to move, jump, lunge, crawl, squat, and run again. Running used to be a stress release for me. I used to run a 5K easily and in 2022 I hadn’t gone for a single run due to my mental health. In spring, I was able to get outside and run again. It was a huge relief to know I was still capable of running and by summer I was running 5Ks again and experienced the runner’s high I had been missing.

Our bodies do their best to communicate with us. For me, I felt more connected to my body this time round on my fitness journey. In the past I used to think about working hard to match my teammates, to beat the physical test, or appease my coaches. Now I workout to stay healthy, move my body, and to get those needed endorphins.

While I’m in tune with my body, I still need to be more aware of it. I took note about a month ago that I was sitting crossed legged when eating my meals. The past couple of years, I couldn’t sit crossing my legs because it cut off my circulation. Now I find myself subconsciously getting into this position because it’s comfortable. Little changes like this are all signals that our bodies try to communicate with us. For me, I feel that my body wants to sit in the pose that I meditate in because its comforable and calm.

My body enjoys moving around but I admit my mood can become irritable on days that I don’t get any excercise. It craves movement and wants to stretch. I wouldn’t have known in January (2023) that my mood is as tightly connected with movement as it is now but knowing that helps me control my irritability by taking a break from sitting stagnant. A stretch break always helps me alleviate any stress that may be building.

There haven’t been that many days in the past nine months but my mood can also be affected by my water intake. My energy is lower when I don’t replace electrolytes or stay hydrated on a daily basis. I started taking Liquid IV every day to the point that I can feel my lack of power in my muscles on the days I don’t replenish electrolytes.

The same feelings occur when I don’t drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water each day. I rarely drink alcohol because I’ve become so used to being hydrated. It’s astonishing to think I lived off of coffee and dyhydration in my late teens and most of my twenties. I can only imagine how my performance back in my athletic days would have looked if I had been hydrated!

The most obvious change within my body to me from the beginning of 2023 to now is the impact of my IBS symptoms. I had horrible cramps that limited a lot of my activities that started in 2022, so I avoided high-FODMAP foods at all costs. As time passed this last year, I decided to try adding those foods back into my diet. Lo and behold, my symptoms are basically non-exisitent. I still have flare-ups on occasion but it amazes me how much my body has changed in just a year.

Our bodies are incredible and are capable of communicating with us. If we listen, our bodies tell us exactly what they need. As I progressed through my changing fitness routine, I tuned in more often to my body’s signals and learned what it needs on a daily basis. I hope I can continue building this relationship with myself to get an even deeper understanding of what the body is capable of as I continue my fitness journey.

I want to hear about your fitness journey! Let me know if you can relate or have your own insight in the comments below.